YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

LethalT4

LethalT4

Forum Member
YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by: George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level
governmental functionary, be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not
entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled
Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already!

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from
and change your own country! This is AMERICA.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson
preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and
not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry rear if you're running from them..

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of
what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my driver's license. I think it's good.....
and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding
who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to
guilt me into making "donations" to their cause.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what is going on with gas prices... again?

I believe "illegal" is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We want our country back! :gr_patrio
 
Carlin didnt? Sounds like something he would. Its good regaurdless.

Except for the flag part, I display my M flag proudly in front of the house on Wolverine Saturdays!
 
I went through this a few years ago, added some things, cleaned up the grammar and deleted a few things I thought were stupid. Here's what I came up with... I'm not taking credit for it, like I said I just cleaned it up and added a few things.



I like fast cars, big guns, and hot women. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I believe the money I make belongs to me, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squeezing out babies.

I don't think that playing with toy guns makes you a killer. I think ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I don't think that being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations. I also know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez's ass gets, I'll still want to see it.

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac in America, you do it in English. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or any thing else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I want to know when MTV became such crap.

I know what the definition of "is" is. I think that Oprah's eyes are way too far apart. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

I believe that no one ever died because of something that Ozzy Osborne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. I don't think that being an art student gives you any more insight than working at Blockbuster. I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to their own God or gods, and they can do it in their schools. I think that the Clippers should play in the WNBA. My heroes are John Wayne, Telly Salavas, Norman Schwartzkopf, Clint Eastwood and whoever canceled "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman".

I think that creative violence and useless nudity and sex makes Iraqis deader and movies more interesting. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but I still think that Goldberg could kick my ass. I think global warming is Chicken Little junk science.

I've never owned or was a slave, and I didn't wander for forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-hell-up already.

Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can respect and admire a woman while mentally undressing them at the same time. I believe that a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I want to know exactly which church it is where the Rev. Jesse Jackson preaches.

I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I thought Spinal Tap was great, but Rob Reiner can still kiss my ass.

I worry about dying before I get even.

I figured out Bruce Willis was dead halfway through The Sixth Sense but enjoyed it anyway.

I think turkey bacon sucks.

I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know that the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are not gonna be middle-class honor roll high school kids but gang-banging losers from the wrong side of town.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent with a firm voice and a firmer hand. I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement and not a fad.

Making love is fine, but sometimes I just want to get laid.

I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning, and don't even think about asking me if I want a rice cake.

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room.

I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way. However I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was "Ole Yeller".

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.
 
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