Please delete Hangemhigh's account

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“I Am Turning 77 Years Old”

I recently picked a new primary care doctor.

After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, the doctor said I was doing 'fairly well' for
my age. (I'm turning seventy seven).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you
think I'll live to be 85?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing any drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs.

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating,sailing,
hiking, or bicycling?

'No, I don't,'

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'

'No, not at all’ I said.


The doctor looked at me and then he said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?’
 
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. And is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about gambling, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the
human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."






Florida Vacation

I was in Florida....and

I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read
'I miss Detroit'.

So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read, 'I hope this help's."
 
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old.

In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a "Sportsman's Double".

'What's that?' I asked

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom, you still awake?'
 
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says …

"I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"

Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking

him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike

what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister... "My friend is sleeping with your

wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says... "You better

hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."
 
Two good ol' boys in an Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while

the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a

baby, would that make us kin?"


The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I

don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"
 
What is the difference between a Alabama divorce and
a Alabama tornado?


























I don’t know, but either way somebody is losing a mobile home trailer!
 
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humor!
 
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