DetroitStyle
Club Member
1. Formula poop is the worst smelling thing you can ever imagine. Nothing will prepare you. Wars could be fought and won with bombs full of this stuff.
2. Your wife's glorious, bountiful, beautiful milk swollen boobies will disappear as fast as they appeared
3. Baby screams reach a decibel level that is previously unknown to non-parents
4. Babies will hold their poop until 5 minutes after you just changed a wet diaper.
5. Babies will then finish their poop, 5 mintues after you changed a poopy diaper.
6. Sex? What is that? Who has time anymore?
7. People will continue to buy you "gifts" that THEY like, not what you need or ask for.
8. You will sing the most ridiculous, made up songs ever to your child at 3:10am when you're trying to get him to sleep... "My diaper is poopy... My diaper is poopy.... but now it's clean... now it's clean. Funny funny jumpers, funny funny jumpers, snow outside... snow outside.."
9. No sleep makes you very cross. It makes your wife very cross. Try not to kill each other. It's not like she left the milk out on the counter on purpose. Or did she? Fuck I'm angry!
10. Random strangers think they have the right to make funny noises and touch your baby on the cheek at the mall. Smack their hands away.
11. I should have bought stock in Purell. I still should.
12. You don't have enough diapers.
13. Pacifiers have finite life spans. After 2 weeks, they simply evaporate and disappear. Like when Yoda died. Just gone forever.
14. Your wife just got up at 3am, 2 hours before she goes to work, to change a diaper and feed him. Now is not the time to ask her why she spent $39 on baby Adidas shoes.
15. The dog is not impressed with this little pooping and screaming intruder.
16. Eventually you will snap and tell your parents/her parents "You know what, he's our kid, not yours, so thanks, but we'll handle it our way."
17. You can hold the bottle in place with no problems for 30 minutes... but look away for 5 seconds and he's spit up all over the place
18. Goodbye neat and organized house. Toys, bottles, blankets, clothes, etc... they're like Gremlins the way they multiply.
19. It's all worth it when you're laying on the couch and he's asleep on you like this:
2. Your wife's glorious, bountiful, beautiful milk swollen boobies will disappear as fast as they appeared
3. Baby screams reach a decibel level that is previously unknown to non-parents
4. Babies will hold their poop until 5 minutes after you just changed a wet diaper.
5. Babies will then finish their poop, 5 mintues after you changed a poopy diaper.
6. Sex? What is that? Who has time anymore?
7. People will continue to buy you "gifts" that THEY like, not what you need or ask for.
8. You will sing the most ridiculous, made up songs ever to your child at 3:10am when you're trying to get him to sleep... "My diaper is poopy... My diaper is poopy.... but now it's clean... now it's clean. Funny funny jumpers, funny funny jumpers, snow outside... snow outside.."
9. No sleep makes you very cross. It makes your wife very cross. Try not to kill each other. It's not like she left the milk out on the counter on purpose. Or did she? Fuck I'm angry!
10. Random strangers think they have the right to make funny noises and touch your baby on the cheek at the mall. Smack their hands away.
11. I should have bought stock in Purell. I still should.
12. You don't have enough diapers.
13. Pacifiers have finite life spans. After 2 weeks, they simply evaporate and disappear. Like when Yoda died. Just gone forever.
14. Your wife just got up at 3am, 2 hours before she goes to work, to change a diaper and feed him. Now is not the time to ask her why she spent $39 on baby Adidas shoes.
15. The dog is not impressed with this little pooping and screaming intruder.
16. Eventually you will snap and tell your parents/her parents "You know what, he's our kid, not yours, so thanks, but we'll handle it our way."
17. You can hold the bottle in place with no problems for 30 minutes... but look away for 5 seconds and he's spit up all over the place
18. Goodbye neat and organized house. Toys, bottles, blankets, clothes, etc... they're like Gremlins the way they multiply.
19. It's all worth it when you're laying on the couch and he's asleep on you like this:
