Crazzy_Al
Mr. Hair Gel Overgeller
>LITTLE VITO ON MATH
>
>Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" arithmetic.
>
>"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?
>
>"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'. I said '6," replies Little
>Vito.
>
>"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.
>
>"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
>
>"What's the fucking difference?" asks Little Vito's father.
>
>"That's what I said!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON ENGLISH
>
>Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today, we are going
>to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
>multi-syllable word?"
>
>Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate."
>
>Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful"
>
>Little Vito says, "No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blow-job."
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR
>
>Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to
>go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
>piss!!"
>
>The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in
>this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please
>use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you
>to go."
>
>Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if
>you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON MORE GRAMMAR
>
>One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
>of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
>sentence twice correctly. First, she called on little Suzie, who
>responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she
>looked beautiful in it"
>
>"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
>Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out
>beautiful."
>
>She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
>
>Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Vito. He said, "Last
>night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
>pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER
>
>Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
>another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to
>him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
>give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
>
>Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
>
>The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
>
>Little Vito answered, "No He minded his own fucking business".
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON LIFE
>
>A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence,
>and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little
>Vito.
>
>
>He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."
>
>
>The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your
>thinking."
>
>
>Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU.
>
>There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is
>delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
>
>The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
>biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
>
>
>The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
>that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
>
>
>To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
>wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
>
>Little Vito returns from school, and he says he got an "F" arithmetic.
>
>"Why?" asks Little Vito's father?
>
>"The teacher asked me: 'How much is 2x3'. I said '6," replies Little
>Vito.
>
>"But that's right!" says Little Vito's Dad.
>
>"Yeah, but then she asked me: "How much is 3x2?'"
>
>"What's the fucking difference?" asks Little Vito's father.
>
>"That's what I said!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON ENGLISH
>
>Little Vito goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today, we are going
>to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
>multi-syllable word?"
>
>Little Vito says, "Mas-tur-bate."
>
>Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Vito, that's a mouthful"
>
>Little Vito says, "No, Miss Rogers. You're thinking of a blow-job."
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON GRAMMAR
>
>Little Vito was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to
>go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
>piss!!"
>
>The teacher replied, "Now, VITO, that is NOT the proper word to use in
>this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please
>use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you
>to go."
>
>Little Vito, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if
>you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON MORE GRAMMAR
>
>One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
>of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
>sentence twice correctly. First, she called on little Suzie, who
>responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she
>looked beautiful in it"
>
>"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
>Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out
>beautiful."
>
>She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
>
>Then the teacher reluctantly called on Little Vito. He said, "Last
>night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
>pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
>
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER
>
>Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
>another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to
>him, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
>give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
>
>Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
>
>The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
>
>Little Vito answered, "No He minded his own fucking business".
>
>
>LITTLE VITO ON LIFE
>
>A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence,
>and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Little
>Vito.
>
>
>He replies, "None. They will all fly away with the first gunshot."
>
>
>The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your
>thinking."
>
>
>Then, Little Vito says, "I have a question for YOU.
>
>There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is
>delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
>
>The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
>biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
>
>
>The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
>that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
>
>
>To which Little Vito replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
>wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
