COOKIE MONSTER
Club Member
So It's been a while since I've been on here and I feel like its time to share something pretty big with the Motown Muscle community. I'm about to drop on bomb on a few of you guys and for some you won't care, and of course for many, you will hate on me for this, but it is what it is and I'm doing this for myself and no one else. So let the hate or acceptance begin.
I left North Carolina and moved back up here to Michigan in Aug of last year, and I really haven't had much time to get on here since. Maybe that will change soon. It really all depends on the people here and how they respond to what I write next... My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. Although, I could say the 5 deployments while married to her didn't help, that is not the reason as to why we are separating. Before I continue, I'd like to add that, I know I have a history of joking around and pulling pranks on people. I can assure all the members on here that there is no punch line. I'd also like to add that I am and always have been the same person on the inside, my interests and passions have not changed. I still love cars, guns, and drinking beer.
Since I was 4 years old, I never really fit in, or felt comfortable with myself. Perhaps it's why some of you have thought I had a chip on my shoulder. In November of 1988 I started telling my Mom and siblings, "I want to be a girl". Maybe because they laughed at my comments, I felt it was wrong and was embarrassed. I automatically went into a defensive mode for the next 2 and a half decades. At the age of 7-8 years, I started cross-dressing. Due to my Family's Religious and very traditional values, I didn't say anything about my "issues" in fear of them taking me to the nearest Church to have the lipstick slapped off me. I felt that they wouldn't respond to the situation appropriately and subsequently, I decided to continue keeping my true thoughts and feelings to myself. And really, I didn't even know what I was at that time, there was no information on it, no one really, even well educated adults today are totally clueless of Transgender/Transsexual standards of care or even what they are. But I knew I wasn't gay, and I knew I wasn't a cross-dresser. However, despite my struggling to understand who I was, I knew that I had to try to live a normal life and attempt to keep my mind off of it. So I decided to keep it a secret to never get caught and just live a damn normal life. I needed something with direction and discipline, I joined the Marines. I figured it was pretty cut and dry, there was no time for playing dress up or to have a damn tea party.
With the availability of the information on the internet, I was able to research what I was. In 2001-2002 I made a FABULOUS discovery. I found that I was a Transsexual. A transsexual is someone who identifies themselves as the opposite gender that they were assigned at birth, and they wish to become a member of or have already undergone surgeries to become that of the opposite sex. They believe that gender is between the ears and not the legs. This was huge for me because up until that point I did nothing but disrepect myself, I was ashamed, embarrassed, and was totally unhappy with who I was as a person. I was a freak, one of a kind. So at that point I found out that there was a term for what I was and that I was the only one like it in this world. I could take this 2 different ways, I could continue beating myself up over this, or I could accept how god made me and respect myself. Although I accepted who I was, I had convinced myself that I was just going to have to keep this a very deep secret and attempt to live a "Normal Life", < as seen by American society at least. So, I found my wife. She was everything I thought I'd need to keep my mind off all this, all me. I even decided to double down on my marriage by planning and making a child. Who, I do not regret making for 1 second. She is my everything, and now that I take care of her full time, I cannot imagine a life without her.
As a Male, I choose hobbies that interested me. And while I really love fast cars and watching drag racing, I took my hobbies to these extremes that were entirely unnecessary in hopes that it would require more attention and keep my mind free of myself. I was on edge most of my life, and at time very mean to some of my friends and family. As our marriage worsened, I decided to quit my job and return to Michigan to make a last attempt to salvage my marriage and my "Normal Life". I really really tried, and I failed. I said screw it, I've tried my best at this guy thing long enough, I had a good run. Hell, I did more shit as a guy than many other had with the military and drag racing and seeing the world etc. But I wasn't being true to myself and was living my life for others in fear of what others may think of me, which made me a bit of a coward.
I came out to everyone in my Family. Most of my Family accepts it, and completely supports me. I guess that's what "unconditional love" is.
Some of my closest Friends stood by my side, and some have turned their backs. All in all, I lucked out. I got a lot of support. But I have lost some of my "Friends" or at least I thought they were. It's kind of funny actually. Some of my more proclaimed "Liberal" Friends turned their backs to my face while some of my more conservative friends came to me and said, "Dude, You're the same Matt I've always known, you gotta be true to yourself, and for that, I respect you and support you". So yea, I've been surprised.
I have been involved in the Transgender (Blanket term for Transvestites and or Transsexual), community in California, North Carolina, and of course Detroit for about 8 years. I have many Trans friends, in fact, a couple of former Marine Trans Friends as well. One of my Doctors I go to here in Michigan is a Transgender Woman. I have seen first hand how they have transitioned physically to the opposite sex, and have gone on to live very successful careers. Actually, some of the top SRS surgeons in the world are Transgender.
Some of the guys on this forum already know a bit about this and some rumours may have been spread. And as I stated before I don't care any more what others may think, I do think there are some pretty cool people on here, and enough is enough, I would like to go out to some meets and chill with you guys but you have to know about this first and see how many are gonna shun my ass over this. I understand that there have been 2 other Trans people on motown muscle and I was told to tread carefully because I'll probably get ripped apart as they claim they did. But I have faith in some of you, and I know you guys can't all hate on me so I say f-it, I'm just gonna lay this out for you all.
The picture in my avatar is me. I started my transition 3 months ago, I lost weight, I'm living full time as a woman. I've been on hormones etc and am planning my final surgery in spring of next year.
I hope to keep all of you as Friends. But it's likely that some of you will not understand, and thus Shun me regardless of ignorance but I hope that's not the case with all of you fuckers.
I'm glad I got this off my chest, I'll need the room.
Your's Truly,
Cookie (btw my new legal name is now Madisona but most call me sona).
P.S.
For those of you who want to be friends, you can add me on Facebook. I've been posting a lot of my updates on there. link below...
https://www.facebook.com/sona.avedyan
I left North Carolina and moved back up here to Michigan in Aug of last year, and I really haven't had much time to get on here since. Maybe that will change soon. It really all depends on the people here and how they respond to what I write next... My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. Although, I could say the 5 deployments while married to her didn't help, that is not the reason as to why we are separating. Before I continue, I'd like to add that, I know I have a history of joking around and pulling pranks on people. I can assure all the members on here that there is no punch line. I'd also like to add that I am and always have been the same person on the inside, my interests and passions have not changed. I still love cars, guns, and drinking beer.
Since I was 4 years old, I never really fit in, or felt comfortable with myself. Perhaps it's why some of you have thought I had a chip on my shoulder. In November of 1988 I started telling my Mom and siblings, "I want to be a girl". Maybe because they laughed at my comments, I felt it was wrong and was embarrassed. I automatically went into a defensive mode for the next 2 and a half decades. At the age of 7-8 years, I started cross-dressing. Due to my Family's Religious and very traditional values, I didn't say anything about my "issues" in fear of them taking me to the nearest Church to have the lipstick slapped off me. I felt that they wouldn't respond to the situation appropriately and subsequently, I decided to continue keeping my true thoughts and feelings to myself. And really, I didn't even know what I was at that time, there was no information on it, no one really, even well educated adults today are totally clueless of Transgender/Transsexual standards of care or even what they are. But I knew I wasn't gay, and I knew I wasn't a cross-dresser. However, despite my struggling to understand who I was, I knew that I had to try to live a normal life and attempt to keep my mind off of it. So I decided to keep it a secret to never get caught and just live a damn normal life. I needed something with direction and discipline, I joined the Marines. I figured it was pretty cut and dry, there was no time for playing dress up or to have a damn tea party.
With the availability of the information on the internet, I was able to research what I was. In 2001-2002 I made a FABULOUS discovery. I found that I was a Transsexual. A transsexual is someone who identifies themselves as the opposite gender that they were assigned at birth, and they wish to become a member of or have already undergone surgeries to become that of the opposite sex. They believe that gender is between the ears and not the legs. This was huge for me because up until that point I did nothing but disrepect myself, I was ashamed, embarrassed, and was totally unhappy with who I was as a person. I was a freak, one of a kind. So at that point I found out that there was a term for what I was and that I was the only one like it in this world. I could take this 2 different ways, I could continue beating myself up over this, or I could accept how god made me and respect myself. Although I accepted who I was, I had convinced myself that I was just going to have to keep this a very deep secret and attempt to live a "Normal Life", < as seen by American society at least. So, I found my wife. She was everything I thought I'd need to keep my mind off all this, all me. I even decided to double down on my marriage by planning and making a child. Who, I do not regret making for 1 second. She is my everything, and now that I take care of her full time, I cannot imagine a life without her.
As a Male, I choose hobbies that interested me. And while I really love fast cars and watching drag racing, I took my hobbies to these extremes that were entirely unnecessary in hopes that it would require more attention and keep my mind free of myself. I was on edge most of my life, and at time very mean to some of my friends and family. As our marriage worsened, I decided to quit my job and return to Michigan to make a last attempt to salvage my marriage and my "Normal Life". I really really tried, and I failed. I said screw it, I've tried my best at this guy thing long enough, I had a good run. Hell, I did more shit as a guy than many other had with the military and drag racing and seeing the world etc. But I wasn't being true to myself and was living my life for others in fear of what others may think of me, which made me a bit of a coward.
I came out to everyone in my Family. Most of my Family accepts it, and completely supports me. I guess that's what "unconditional love" is.
Some of my closest Friends stood by my side, and some have turned their backs. All in all, I lucked out. I got a lot of support. But I have lost some of my "Friends" or at least I thought they were. It's kind of funny actually. Some of my more proclaimed "Liberal" Friends turned their backs to my face while some of my more conservative friends came to me and said, "Dude, You're the same Matt I've always known, you gotta be true to yourself, and for that, I respect you and support you". So yea, I've been surprised.
I have been involved in the Transgender (Blanket term for Transvestites and or Transsexual), community in California, North Carolina, and of course Detroit for about 8 years. I have many Trans friends, in fact, a couple of former Marine Trans Friends as well. One of my Doctors I go to here in Michigan is a Transgender Woman. I have seen first hand how they have transitioned physically to the opposite sex, and have gone on to live very successful careers. Actually, some of the top SRS surgeons in the world are Transgender.
Some of the guys on this forum already know a bit about this and some rumours may have been spread. And as I stated before I don't care any more what others may think, I do think there are some pretty cool people on here, and enough is enough, I would like to go out to some meets and chill with you guys but you have to know about this first and see how many are gonna shun my ass over this. I understand that there have been 2 other Trans people on motown muscle and I was told to tread carefully because I'll probably get ripped apart as they claim they did. But I have faith in some of you, and I know you guys can't all hate on me so I say f-it, I'm just gonna lay this out for you all.
The picture in my avatar is me. I started my transition 3 months ago, I lost weight, I'm living full time as a woman. I've been on hormones etc and am planning my final surgery in spring of next year.
I hope to keep all of you as Friends. But it's likely that some of you will not understand, and thus Shun me regardless of ignorance but I hope that's not the case with all of you fuckers.
I'm glad I got this off my chest, I'll need the room.
Your's Truly,
Cookie (btw my new legal name is now Madisona but most call me sona).
P.S.
For those of you who want to be friends, you can add me on Facebook. I've been posting a lot of my updates on there. link below...
https://www.facebook.com/sona.avedyan
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