Everyone knows my hatred of grocery shopping. Its been posted here and other places before. Heres the old thread, less pics:
http://www.detroitracing.net/forums/showthread.php?t=4456
Anyways I was at the store again today, at 12pm, shopping with all the old people who are just passing time, waiting for thier lives to end. They take for freaking ever. And thats when it hit me, a grocery store for men only.
Edit: Downtown's Darkest will now be allowed in said store, based only on the fact that she has bigger balls than I do.
Rules for said store:
1. You would need a card, a man card, which could be revoked if any rules are broken.
2. Kids must be IN your cart while you're shopping. If you have more than one or two, and they can't fit, too bad. Take your brats to Kroger.
3. Carts MUST be returned to cart area to avoid door dings, scratches, and other acts of mother nature blowing your cart into my car. My shit is mint, keep it that way.
4. No standing around in an isle. Keep things moving. Kinda like the 5 second in the paint violation in basketball. Things will be labeled and organized, if you don't see it, make another lap. Places to go people to see here people.
5. No bitching
6. No bitching about rule #5.
7. No intensive label reading, again see rule #4.
8. ABSOLUTLY no leaving your cart in line while you run and grab something else! If you need something you forgot, get out of line. If your shit is already being checked out, too bad. There is always next time.
9. You WILL bag your own shit, and you will make hast while doing so. This store is designed to get in and out. I dont know about you guys, but I can bag faster than any slap dick 15 year old kid.
10. You be between the ages of 18 and 65 to shop in this store.
11. Full contact cart bumping is allowed to move things along
12. Open carry allowed, and encouraged. The place will NEVER get robbed. :lol:
13. Even though I already said no Vanfassen:
The perks:
1. Isle 1-3 nothing but steaks, chicken, BBQ sauce and beer. Cause I don't know about you guys, but thats what I head for at the store.
2. Padded carts, for rule #11 above.
3. The staff, we will get to this later
4. Lots of isles for check out, and ALL of them open! Damn Mejiers. 20 lanes, 3 of them open. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THEM IN!?
5. No Vanfaasen allowed
6. Rock and roll over the speakers, Wed will be rap days.
7. I will carry only worthy TP. None of that 1 ply shit. When it comes to TP, you dont cheap out.
8. Beer will be kept cold at all times, no warm beer allowed.
9. No liberals allowed. Libs would want to buy tofu. See point #1:
10. No displays to get in your way. Items are on the shelf.
11. Shopping carts will have 22's, no rub.
12.
13. Another damn good idea.
Staff:
1. Cashiers: Norwegian and Polish smoking hot bi-sexual ladies. All of them single, and ready to mingle. If they have nothing to do, they must either make out with each other, or help you bag your stuff. Making out prefered.
2. Bouncers. Thats right bouncers. 2 in the parking lot making sure people put thier cart backs, and dont steal your shit. Numerous ones in the store to enforce rules, and keep things moving. Also to help you find items. Edit: This will be handled by the MM cult and:
Feel free to add rules or what ever. Just thinking out loud.
http://www.detroitracing.net/forums/showthread.php?t=4456
Anyways I was at the store again today, at 12pm, shopping with all the old people who are just passing time, waiting for thier lives to end. They take for freaking ever. And thats when it hit me, a grocery store for men only.
Edit: Downtown's Darkest will now be allowed in said store, based only on the fact that she has bigger balls than I do.
Rules for said store:
1. You would need a card, a man card, which could be revoked if any rules are broken.
2. Kids must be IN your cart while you're shopping. If you have more than one or two, and they can't fit, too bad. Take your brats to Kroger.
3. Carts MUST be returned to cart area to avoid door dings, scratches, and other acts of mother nature blowing your cart into my car. My shit is mint, keep it that way.
4. No standing around in an isle. Keep things moving. Kinda like the 5 second in the paint violation in basketball. Things will be labeled and organized, if you don't see it, make another lap. Places to go people to see here people.
5. No bitching
6. No bitching about rule #5.
7. No intensive label reading, again see rule #4.
8. ABSOLUTLY no leaving your cart in line while you run and grab something else! If you need something you forgot, get out of line. If your shit is already being checked out, too bad. There is always next time.
9. You WILL bag your own shit, and you will make hast while doing so. This store is designed to get in and out. I dont know about you guys, but I can bag faster than any slap dick 15 year old kid.
10. You be between the ages of 18 and 65 to shop in this store.
11. Full contact cart bumping is allowed to move things along
12. Open carry allowed, and encouraged. The place will NEVER get robbed. :lol:
13. Even though I already said no Vanfassen:
The perks:
1. Isle 1-3 nothing but steaks, chicken, BBQ sauce and beer. Cause I don't know about you guys, but thats what I head for at the store.
2. Padded carts, for rule #11 above.
3. The staff, we will get to this later
4. Lots of isles for check out, and ALL of them open! Damn Mejiers. 20 lanes, 3 of them open. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT THEM IN!?
5. No Vanfaasen allowed
6. Rock and roll over the speakers, Wed will be rap days.
7. I will carry only worthy TP. None of that 1 ply shit. When it comes to TP, you dont cheap out.
8. Beer will be kept cold at all times, no warm beer allowed.
9. No liberals allowed. Libs would want to buy tofu. See point #1:
10. No displays to get in your way. Items are on the shelf.
11. Shopping carts will have 22's, no rub.
12.
13. Another damn good idea.
Staff:
1. Cashiers: Norwegian and Polish smoking hot bi-sexual ladies. All of them single, and ready to mingle. If they have nothing to do, they must either make out with each other, or help you bag your stuff. Making out prefered.
2. Bouncers. Thats right bouncers. 2 in the parking lot making sure people put thier cart backs, and dont steal your shit. Numerous ones in the store to enforce rules, and keep things moving. Also to help you find items. Edit: This will be handled by the MM cult and:
Feel free to add rules or what ever. Just thinking out loud.
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See I would revoke your man card because you can't tell time.
hsnap: you haven't even broke ground yet and you've already started banning people. :lol:
