Hello Motown,
I'd like to offer up my old couch for FREE. Now some might say "FREE", has he lost his mind? I assure you, my mind is still intact and functioning perfectly fine. This couch is about 4-5yrs old. It's not in perfect shape, but it would be nice in a college house/basement/garage/hunting camp/adult movie film set (straight films only). I will NOT transport it, make time in my day for YOU to pick it up, or save it for weeks on end. I will also not be held responsible for any children conceived on this couch unless of course I was directly involved in making them............. although if I am involved I'm still gonna change my name and move to Mexico to avoid child support. Now some may say "Why Mexico?" when Canada is only a 30-35 min drive from where I am now. Well let me tell you, Canada sucks. They are good for three things, Labatt Blue Light, French Canadian Hookers and Hockey. Mexico has great smoke, warm weather and donkey shows. Plus I've got a thing for Latin women.
OK, back to the couch (did I mention it's FREE?). It seats three comfortably, four decently and five if your a cheap ass that can't afford any other seating options. It has one small tear in the back, I don't know how it happened, nor do I give a fuck (it's FREE). The couch is free of disease..........I wouldn't suggest running a Black light over it though (kidding..........sort of). In the picture you will notice it's on the ground and there is a bag sitting on it. The bag contains it's legs which are attached with the worlds longest motherfucking screws that have ever been created by the evilest bastard on this planet. My suggestion is to have your cordless drill battery charged, because these motherfuckers are super long, you may need two batteries.
Here are the arrangements I will offer up:
1. I will move the couch out into the driveway for you to pick up while I'm working, drinking, or banging some randoms chicks.
2. One arrangement is all you get. Don't ask me to help load it, don't show up and then decide you don't want it. If I move this out in the driveway and you don't show or decide it's not what you want I will call you a rotten douche bag here and everywhere else (FB, your place of employment, church, to your entire family, etc...)
Price: FREE, what the fuck are you looking at the price for? I've said it plenty of times in the ad that it's FREE, damn get with the program! Now I will NOT turn down sexual favors/pictures/video's from your GF, Wife, Sister (over 18), Mom (under 65), cousin, Aunt (again under 65), neighbor, or female friend. Please forward pictures first, I'm not too picky, but I do have some standards.
Location: The Bestside (Plymouth Township). I will disclose the actual address when I'm contacted about picking it up.
Contact: PM, VarsityFordMatt@ ( G ) mail.com, call or text 734-six six zero-four zero one three before 10PM. Honestly if you call, I'll more than likely send you directly to VM, so text is best if you're going to use the phone.
Availability: First to show gets the couch, trash collection is Weds, if I don't get a taker by they, it's going bye bye, the only way I will hold it is the sexual favors thing.
Behold............91trunk a.k.a. Matt Motherfuck'n Stanford's Couch!
(don't be fooled by the snow shovel in the corner, I haven't shoveled an ounce of snow in years. I have snow removal service stocked with Mexicans that does it for me. Just another reason I like Mexico over Canada)
Free case of beer for anyone that picks the couch up and remakes this Chappelle skit.......
I'd like to offer up my old couch for FREE. Now some might say "FREE", has he lost his mind? I assure you, my mind is still intact and functioning perfectly fine. This couch is about 4-5yrs old. It's not in perfect shape, but it would be nice in a college house/basement/garage/hunting camp/adult movie film set (straight films only). I will NOT transport it, make time in my day for YOU to pick it up, or save it for weeks on end. I will also not be held responsible for any children conceived on this couch unless of course I was directly involved in making them............. although if I am involved I'm still gonna change my name and move to Mexico to avoid child support. Now some may say "Why Mexico?" when Canada is only a 30-35 min drive from where I am now. Well let me tell you, Canada sucks. They are good for three things, Labatt Blue Light, French Canadian Hookers and Hockey. Mexico has great smoke, warm weather and donkey shows. Plus I've got a thing for Latin women.
OK, back to the couch (did I mention it's FREE?). It seats three comfortably, four decently and five if your a cheap ass that can't afford any other seating options. It has one small tear in the back, I don't know how it happened, nor do I give a fuck (it's FREE). The couch is free of disease..........I wouldn't suggest running a Black light over it though (kidding..........sort of). In the picture you will notice it's on the ground and there is a bag sitting on it. The bag contains it's legs which are attached with the worlds longest motherfucking screws that have ever been created by the evilest bastard on this planet. My suggestion is to have your cordless drill battery charged, because these motherfuckers are super long, you may need two batteries.
Here are the arrangements I will offer up:
1. I will move the couch out into the driveway for you to pick up while I'm working, drinking, or banging some randoms chicks.
2. One arrangement is all you get. Don't ask me to help load it, don't show up and then decide you don't want it. If I move this out in the driveway and you don't show or decide it's not what you want I will call you a rotten douche bag here and everywhere else (FB, your place of employment, church, to your entire family, etc...)
Price: FREE, what the fuck are you looking at the price for? I've said it plenty of times in the ad that it's FREE, damn get with the program! Now I will NOT turn down sexual favors/pictures/video's from your GF, Wife, Sister (over 18), Mom (under 65), cousin, Aunt (again under 65), neighbor, or female friend. Please forward pictures first, I'm not too picky, but I do have some standards.
Location: The Bestside (Plymouth Township). I will disclose the actual address when I'm contacted about picking it up.
Contact: PM, VarsityFordMatt@ ( G ) mail.com, call or text 734-six six zero-four zero one three before 10PM. Honestly if you call, I'll more than likely send you directly to VM, so text is best if you're going to use the phone.
Availability: First to show gets the couch, trash collection is Weds, if I don't get a taker by they, it's going bye bye, the only way I will hold it is the sexual favors thing.
Behold............91trunk a.k.a. Matt Motherfuck'n Stanford's Couch!
(don't be fooled by the snow shovel in the corner, I haven't shoveled an ounce of snow in years. I have snow removal service stocked with Mexicans that does it for me. Just another reason I like Mexico over Canada)
Free case of beer for anyone that picks the couch up and remakes this Chappelle skit.......
