postban
aka Johnny Rifleseed, spreading gunliness
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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(Whoah, rough spelling in this one)
This burgler breaks into a home late at night. As he is walking through the large living room as quiet as he can he hears this voice exclaim, " Jesus is watching you"! Its freaks him out but he keeps on going. A few minutes later as he cases the house with his small flashlight he again hears," Better be careful Jesus is watching you!" This time he realizes he needs to devote his full attention to finding out who said that. Finally he locates this parrot in the corner on a perch. Did you say that he asks? Yes I did he replies! Whats your name asks the burgler,well my name is Fredrico. Well Fredrico,what idiot named you that? The same idiot that named the rhotwhieler Jesus!
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HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo and your NRA magazines. 3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny, and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the Pitbulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside."
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
==========================================
(Whoah, rough spelling in this one)
This burgler breaks into a home late at night. As he is walking through the large living room as quiet as he can he hears this voice exclaim, " Jesus is watching you"! Its freaks him out but he keeps on going. A few minutes later as he cases the house with his small flashlight he again hears," Better be careful Jesus is watching you!" This time he realizes he needs to devote his full attention to finding out who said that. Finally he locates this parrot in the corner on a perch. Did you say that he asks? Yes I did he replies! Whats your name asks the burgler,well my name is Fredrico. Well Fredrico,what idiot named you that? The same idiot that named the rhotwhieler Jesus!
==========================================
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo and your NRA magazines. 3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba: Big Mike, Slim, Tiny, and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the Pitbulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside."
